It just occurred to me today that my approach to life is one of the reasons why things turned out the way they turned out. Instead of allowing my life to unfold and welcoming people into my life, I have a grand masterplan. I have very clear objectives to achieve. I try to achieve these objects by engaging in activities, meeting people, and changing the way I think. Everything that I do is an attempt to put a missing piece of puzzle in the big picture which I believe is the way I should end up. Along the way, I kick people out of my life who don't fit the criteria...instead of letting them in and see how my life would change because of them. I also weed out emotions and feelings that make me feel inferior. I am very determine to get what I want for the sake of determination.
Objectively speaking, this is a very foolish way of living. I know that I am on course to get what I want in the most efficient manner. However, things that I want, are they really things that I need? I'm not very sure sometimes and I am contemplating this issue now. However, typical of me, I can quickly reason my way out of my doubts so that such moments of hesitation usually don't last for long.
I don't think I would like to change my approach. However, realizing that it may be the root cause explains a lot. I am able to navigate through my life efficiently and in a relatively painless manner. I need this unwavering conviction that I am heading in the right direction more than ever because I'm starting to realize that history is repeating itself. It is especially true if I keep on getting involved with people who prefer to react to what life throws at them.