I am very capable of handling tough situations. However, it doesn't mean that tough situations don't upset me. Remembering my adolescence, I learned to be independent and invulnerable, taking up the role as the "man of the house". I learned that there is merit to proximity. My dad lived half way across the globe in a different timezone. By the time that we got to chat on the phone, all the drama and all the emotions have already been dealt with. It was a mere routine report to keep everyone up to date.
Going out with you is stirring up all those memories which I would rather bury. When I was sick and feverish, I left you a message because I wanted to talk to you and to know that you care. But when you finally got in touch with me half a day later, my fever had already subsided and I was buoyed by the love and care of my family and friends. The moment when I was most vulnerable was already long gone.
I was very upset today by things beyond my control. I let you know that I was incapable of making weekend plans because I was so blinded by anger and frustration. Again, I needed you and you weren't there. When you finally got in touch with me hours later, I saw that you did not understand how much the situation upset me. My friends did...they came to me in my hour of need. I'm certain that when I tell you what happened today, it would merely be a lighthearted report, perhaps even funny depending on my storytelling talent.
I don't know what to make of this. Obviously something is amiss. It's not like I bottled up without telling you a thing and then blamed you for not reading my mind. I told you that I needed you but the message just didn't register any urgency on your mind. You probably don't understand how much this is troubling me. It is setting off all kinds of alarms in my head and frankly, it is strike two. I really like you but these are warnings that I cannot ignore.
You made me feel like I'm to face the world on my own and that is not how I want to live my life. If I want to face the world alone, I can do that without getting involved with you.
